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Last week I wrote about how my fears of not being able to complete my work in progress have been preventing me from working on it. Even after that confession I found myself dragging my feet and not experiencing the excitement that I normally feel when I write. This weekend I had an epiphany that revealed an even more nefarious thought process at work.
At some over the past couple of months, I made the mental shift from writing the story that I want to write to trying to write the story that some nebulous “they” might want to read. How do I do that? Some readers want sexy, others want sweet. Some prefer humorous, others do not. How can I possibly know what “they” may like? Simply put, I can’t.
All authors want to write books that appeal to readers, but no one writes books that appeal to everyone. Each writer develops a following based on their voice, the worlds that they create and the characters that inhabit them – in short, the stories that only they can write. I too will develop such a following over time, but only if I stay true to myself. In short, if my stories don’t appeal to me, they won’t appeal to anyone.
This realization brought with it a profound sense of relief and helped me find my way back to why I started writing to begin with – to tell stories. Not someone else’s stories – my stories. Now that the unnecessary weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, I am finally – finally! – excited about writing again. I’m now actually looking forward to July 1st and the beginning of Camp NaNoWriMo.
I’m a people pleaser, so I know that this will not be the only time that I struggle with this mindset. Fortunately, my hubby is very supportive and knows my weaknesses; I know that he will do what he can to help. Unfortunately, I’m also more than a little hard-headed and don’t always listen like I should so I’m counting on y’all to help hold me accountable as well should you see me backsliding.
Are you a people pleaser? If so, what do you do to stay balanced?
I do tend to people please. Writing-wise, my solution so far has been to not let ANYONE read what I’ve written. I have to gain some self-confidence before I have people telling me what they think. That might not work someday. I’ve worked hard to stand up for myself in other areas of life and try not to get anxious about people’s reactions. It works more now than it used to.
I understand. I didn’t let my hubby know about my writing for a couple of years. Once he found out, he has been amazingly supportive. My kids didn’t find out until this year.
I learned a long time ago, when I finished my first novel and submitted it to an agent (the only time I ever did that) that I CANNOT write with other people, agents, publishers, readers, whoever, in mind. I have to write for myself. I’m very much a pleaser in other aspects of my life, but in my writing, in all the years I wrote without thought of publication, I learned to (mostly) let go of wanting to please others. I still try to write in a way that will be accessible and enjoyable to readers, but when it comes down to if something should be in the story, I listen to my heart and my vision of the story.
It’s one of those things that I *know*, but sometimes allow myself to forget. Last year I entered several contests – for the first and last time. The feedback was encouraging but also overwhelming. There was so much “I love your story! If you just change (everything about it) it will be wonderful!” Um, no. If you love it, then I shouldn’t need to change it. If I change everything you say, it isn’t my story anymore. It took me a while to find my voice again after that experience. Lesson learned! I just have to trust my instincts and listen to my heart.